Dale Hutchins, Dead

Aspiration of a gas-station hot dog consumed while leaning out a third-story hotel window to retrieve his dropped sandwich wrapper

March 14, 2031. Dale Hutchins, a middle manager at a regional logistics firm, died after a series of decisions that seemed reasonable only to him. He had spent forty years eating in cars, at desks, in bathrooms, and—on the afternoon in question—out a window, having convinced himself that heights were survivable if you didn't look down and kept your mouth full. He was wrong on both counts.

Survived by

his sister Brenda, three partially eaten rotisserie chickens in his refrigerator, a collection of 247 takeout menus, and an outstanding Applebee's gift card with $3.47 remaining

“He really loved eating—I mean, he *really* loved it, and I guess that's just who he was.”

— His sister Brenda

Services Services will be held at Covenant Funeral Home. In lieu of flowers, please donate to the Acrophobia Foundation or simply stand on a stepladder for five minutes in his memory.

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Dale Hutchins, Dead

You just saw 200 words of our AI.Voidspark is 300,000.

You just saw 200 words of our AI.
Voidspark is 300,000.